jazz, JAZZ, jazz.

2006-10-15T14:59:00.000+08:00

moving onto jazzified-.blogspot.com
see you.

2006-10-15T11:42:00.000+08:00

HOW TO TELL IF A GUY LIKES YOU:
1. The guy will be extremely nice to you.
2. He will tell you that you did something good, even whenyou did it horribly.
3. He might make fun of you.
4. He will want to be your best friend.
5. He might complement you on something normal like, yourhair, even if you wear it that way everyday.
6. He will stick up for you.
7. He will start hanging out with your friends.
8. He will flirt with you.
9. He will call you for no good reason.
10. He will make eye contact with a serious look on his face.

HOW TO TELL IF A GIRL LIKES YOU:
1. They always talk about the different kind of guys theyCOULD have.
2. They stare at you with a smile on their face and won'tlook away until you do first.
3. They ALWAYS seem to be talking about how nice or cuteyou are.
4. They laugh at all your jokes, no matter how stupid they are.
5. They will ask you who you like, continuously.
6. They talk to your friends about you a lot.
7. They always are flirting with every other guy, except you.
8. They always try to make you jealous.
9. They beg you to do everything for them.
10. They always ask you what to do in a bad situation.

2006-10-14T18:01:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHOEBE!

2006-10-12T14:03:00.000+08:00

fcuk it. so many of my holidays have been wasted. bitch.

2006-10-11T23:22:00.000+08:00

oh no. i'm feeling real inferior now. damn.
agrr..
nvm,

anyways. i'v always known that my mouth is huge. but i'v never thot that i would hav to remove 11!!! teeth/ tooth!! damn. i need to remove 11, in order to put braces. well.. soon. n ermmm.. i m gonna hav a surgery to remove all, so my mom was thinking of having me to stay at the hospital for i think 2 days. ermmmm.. no visits please.. i mean it. i don wan anyone to see my SWOLLEN mouth!! agrr. i'm so scared la
n also scared, cos my drving test's on this coming wed. agrr!!

**scowls. i cant help but feel inferior by her beautiful eyes. e funny thing was that i don notice them before, i m jealous. i truly am. agrr..

2006-10-06T12:02:00.000+08:00

heys guys, my phone's at e repair's. so its kinda difficult to find me, especially when i won't b online too often already. yupps..

anyways.
what's with people any-how adding others on msn? i mean. i ony prefer my own friends adding me on msn. i don't like it if strangers just add me. because i feel those friends that we'l be making online are kinda insincere, or rather fake. i mean, i'v been that phase before. i know i'm kinda evil by saying him with those words. but sorry this's my way of doing stuffs now.

"then if you like that, how to make friends?" he asked.
there isnt exactly many or more friends. friends cant be counted. because some are only hi-bye friends, or only once seen. while come others are really friends.
so i don't exactly am being intimidated(is this e right spelling?) by that "you wont get friends like the way you r doing"
because i want only sincere friends now. no time for those insincere ones. sorry.

2006-10-06T06:38:00.000+08:00

i remembered why i love the moon. because it was moonchild, that movie that got both me n james closer. yupps..
i was sitting in the car waitin for the instructor n lyin on the seat looking at the darkening sky, the brightening moon, n wondered, why do i like moon-gazing so much.
its nice.

anyways, i saw a box of panadols in my dad's car. then i asked him whether it belongs to him, he hesitated n answer yes.
i was kinda upset. hais.. i didn know what to say to my dad. i know he has been stressed up by his new company, but panadols? its not great.

2006-10-05T00:03:00.000+08:00

"i told u so, i told u so, told u so, told u.." it jus kept repeating in my head. its by me to me, myself and i. agrr!! why am i always always giving others chances to let me down? damn.

anyways, today was supposed to catch the starlight movie. but mine came, so no mood to go out, wanted to cancel the date with my fren, but didn know how to open my mouth to say. but my friend cancelled out instead. i was glad that he cancelled instead of me doin it. but i m upset that he cancelled, he's obviously out there clubbing as usual right now. damn. i need a drink.

i'm jus so fcuked up by e fact that i'v been spendin too much time at that bloody sengkang place to do the cleaning up. and also surrounded by those unmarried "brothers" complaining to me that they'r still single. my problem is it?

2006-10-01T10:15:00.000+08:00

SHOWER TEST.When you step into a shower, which partof the body do you wash first?Please select a body first?
A. Chest
B. Face
C. Armarms
D. Hair
E. Privates
F. Shoulders
G. Others
My Answer is D.
A. (Chest):You are a practical person. Straightforward and do not beat around the bush.To you, convenience is of paramount importance. You hate tobe distracted when concentrating and are impatient with people whodo not see things your way. A good sex partner and willing to try newthings. Your best partner in life will be those who choose D (Hair).
B. (Face):Money is important to you and you will do anything to get it.Integrity and dignity is not important. You feel that friends are there to be used and life is one big hassle. Other people find it hardto understand you, but you are not concerned as to what they think.Very self-centered person. Average sex partner as too selfish andtend to be absorbed in self pleasure at the expense of your partner. Your best partner in life will be those who choose E (Privates)and G (Others).
C. (Armpits):You are a dependable and hard working person. Generally verypopular person as you are very down to earth and willing to help others. Tend to get yourself into trouble as you cannot tell whetherpeople are genuine towards you. Make very poor sex partners as youare the working type with average talent. Your best partner in lifewill be those who choose F (Shoulders).
D. (Hair):Artistic type. Daydreaming is your hobby, but you can achieve whatmost other people cannot. Dedication is lacking, but you will worktirelessly towards goals which are to your liking. Money is notimportant. Friends are but only intellectuals and fellow artistictypes. Make the best sex partners as you are most willing to explore and please the other partner. Talent is your main strength. Your bestpartner in life will be those who chose A (Chest) and E (Privates).
E. (Privates):Shy type. You lack self confidence and tend to be bullied by others. You do not have lots of friends as others find you boring andunattractive. Perserverance is not your strength and you tend to giveup easily and at the first opportunity. However, you make an aboveaverage sex partner. You are able to show your true emotions to very few people. Hence in sex, you find your inner strengths. Your bestsex partner in life will be those who choose B (Face) and D (Hair).
F. (Shoulder):A born loser. You fail in everything that you do. People dislike you and you tend to spend your time alone. Your type have been known tobe heavy gamblers and drinkers. You see the world as a livin hell.Money and power is also important to you. But your luck will alwaysfail you. You make a lousy sex partner. You will find it difficult to find a partner in life. Those who choose C (Armpits) are youronly chance.
G. (Others):You are a very average person. Undoubtedly, you have your innerstrengths, but people find it hard to see. You must learn to be a littlebit more adventurous and see your potential. Deep down, you are verylikeable person with very few faults. However, the key will be tomake your strengts stand out and not just hide you weaknessess. You are an average sex partner. You have great fantasies about differenttechniques, but unfortunately are not brave enough to try them out.Your best partner in life will be those who choose B (Face).

2006-09-29T09:01:00.000+08:00

happy birthday james.

=(

2006-09-26T14:17:00.000+08:00

i hate dumb people. because they make me dumber than i already am. i hate emotionally and intellectually weak and dumb people.
in other words. i hate myself.
i hate it when someone says "i told u so."
example: A, me and B.
A is harmful, B told me to stay away. but i decided to forgive n start over. but A hurts me again n again. so when B says "told you so", i will feel upset cos it jus so makes me feel stupid, not bcos of B.

n i jus kinda did said told u so to my sis. i so wanna slap myself.

i dont know what ever i am talkin about already.

2006-09-25T04:44:00.000+08:00

i'm like so awake now. supposingly, to my usual run. but i guess, singapore's really aint that safe. so i'm gonna stop jogging in e morning. mayb i'll try evening runs, which's like total impossible. i still prefer morning ones, cos e air's cold. nice. but hais. i'm bored now.

anyways, i'm sure everyone will at least receive one or two forwarded msges, that goes like how the sender cherish u n all? i mean, if u were e sender, u would obviously mean what that msg meant, then sending it to another person rights? i mean I WOULD ONLY SEND IT IF I MEAN WHAT THAT MSG MEANT. so i really totally don get it to receive those msges from him. hey. when was those i needed when i needed. now u'r stil blowing cold with me n yet sending me that kind of msges. i can so bet that its another prank joke of ur BEST FREN which he asked u to do.
usually i would b so happy to receive those kinda msg, it somehow shows that someone cares. but when i'm receiving from him. i would think, WTH.

2006-09-22T02:56:00.000+08:00

so many things happened e past days.

aunt doreen's becoming like my mom.

i dont know whether my mom treats me like a daughter now bcos i m her daughter or simply cos mel n jia r like that now, so she can only rely on me in the future? (my long frens will know of my relationship with my mom since young, so they will understand y i think this way. i dont know how to elborate much also, cos its jus too much stuffs.)

but its scary to talk to her cos i dont know how to talk to her. do u know how diffcult is it? i have to write a script out 1st to speak to her. hahas.. nvm.

2006-09-19T08:19:00.000+08:00

alanda

--[adjective]:Visually addictive

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

ng shi jie

--[adjective]:Banshee-like

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

alanda ng shi jie

--[adjective]:Extremely extreme!

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

hahas!!

2006-09-18T22:45:00.000+08:00

OH happy HAPPY 43th BIRTHDAY DEAREST DADA!!!
i love you lots, n simply more. u know it.
thank you for trying to make my life bearable despite that witch for the past 18 yrs of mine.
thank you for never giving me up.
but however, no thanks to your laziness. heex..
thank you for your lame-ness.
thank you for still tryin to make ur marriage with the witch going, thou i know u wanna give up.
i cant promise a good life for you in the future, but u know i will do my best to give you the best.
u taught me, never give up, just do my best. i'm still learning, but u haven gave up on me. thank you. i love you!

make your eyes smaller n your jokes lamer! **hugs!

2006-09-18T09:00:00.000+08:00

my answers anyways,
- tiger, pig, cow, sheep, horse [horse was actually my 3rd choice but dono what made me changed to the last jus before proceeding to the next question]
it means pride, money, career, love, family. (that's the way i'd changed my priorties to, since last night.)
- Dog = loyal [i am]
cat = scary [my partner]
rat = evil [my enemies]
coffee = yucky [sex to me is?]
sea = simply beautiful [my life]
- yellow: kean
orange: Maggie
red: felicia
white: JJ [ not even sure whether he rembrs me]
green: Sheralyn
- 16
everyday.

2006-09-18T08:52:00.000+08:00

i saw this n did this. its totally unreal. believe me.

PERSONALITY TEST
The Dalai Lama said read it to see if it works for you. Very interesting. Just 4 questions and the answers will surprise you. Do not cheat by looking up the answers. The mind is like a parachute, it works best when it is opened. This is fun to do, but you have to follow the instructions very closely. Do not cheat.

MAKE A WISH BEFORE BEGINNING THE TEST!!

A Warning! Answer the questions as you go along. There are only four questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results. Go down slowly and do each exercise as you scroll down. Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go along. You will need it at the end. This is an honest questionnaire which will tell you a lot about your true self.
Give an answer for each item.

-Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference. Cow Tiger Sheep Horse Pig

-Write one word that describes each one of the following: Dog Cat Rat Coffee Sea

-Think of someone (who also knows you and is important to you) that you can relate them to the following colours (do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each colour.) Yellow Orange Red White Green

-Finally, write down your favourite number and your favourite day of the week.......................

Finished? Please be sure that your answers are what you REALLY WANT. Look at the interpretations below: (but first before continuing, repeat your wish.)

*This will define your priorities in your life.
Cow Signifies CAREER Tiger Signifies PRIDE Sheep Signifies LOVE Horse Signifies FAMILY Pig Signifies MONEY
*Your description of dog implies your own personality. Your description of cat implies the personality of your partner. Your description of rat implies the personality of your enemies. Your description of coffee is how you interpret sex. Your description of the sea implies your own life.
*Yellow: Someone you will never forget Orange: Someone you consider your true friend Red: Someone that you really love White: Your twin soul Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life
*You have to send this message to as many persons as your favourite number and your wish will come true on the day that you put.
This is what the Dalai Lama has said about the Millennium-just take a few seconds to read it and think. Do not put away this message, the mantra will come out from your hands in the next 96 hours. You will have a very pleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious. Please do this. It is fascinating. SEND THIS E-MAIL MANTRA TO AT LEAST FIVE PERSONS AND YOUR LIFE WILL IMPROVE 0-4 persons: Your life will improve slightly 5-9 persons: Your life will improve to your liking 9-14 persons: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next three weeks 15 or more persons: Your life will improve drastically and all that you have always dreamed will take shape.

2006-09-17T11:56:00.000+08:00

my aim of living in this world is to meet the people i'm destinated to meet.

2006-09-15T13:05:00.000+08:00

i just cut my fringe again. major ahahahhas!!
i changed my parting, n so i'v to kinda sweep it aside. heex. loving it at this min. hhas..
decided to continue with driving. wells.. hais.

2006-09-13T00:33:00.000+08:00

its been kinda long since the last post ya?

hmmm.. nothing much this holiday, jus out with old frens, driving and that on-off fever.

i'm so gonna try to make time for everyone, cos i may not know when's the last day. whatever.

i'm gonna learn the stuffs i so wanna learn. do the stuffs i so wanna do. life's short.
anyone around me, may be leaving me at anytime. learn to forgive n, forget about the forgeting part, bcos i only have this life time to know them. life's a funny thing.

take care people.

2006-09-07T20:20:00.000+08:00

i so wanna laugh about last night. i can only remember i walked for a very long distance. when i woke up i was on the bed. hahas.. weird.
stan, sorry about the trouble last night, but do not fear to bring sake again. this time i wouldn take my medicine. hahas

i'm telling you guys, i'm havin rashes, tummy pains afr having the medicines.
that stupid doc gave me a drug which is also panadol but stronger. i hav take it 4 times a day n 2 tablets each time. i get high each time n yet drowsy cos of the flu medicine.
i'm feeling very restless. i so wanna get a party down to my playground to view the moon with me.

laters.

2006-09-04T00:14:00.000+08:00

whee!! i jus cut my hair, n my fringe to m-shaped, but not that obvious, unless i really comb it str.
n i jus started my driving practical. hahas.. fright! i'm so afraid of knocking anyone down. hahas.. but its kinda fun. heex. till laters!

2006-08-31T15:07:00.000+08:00

i have my own credit card! :] that's stanley card. .. heex..

i'm going to start getting busy meeting up with frens, having driving practical[hoping to finish all asap.] , watching vcds that i'm so gonna borrow from jess! heex. n. jesss, if its possible. hehex.. i so wanna borrow ur sewing machine. lu lala lala..

when there's a way, there will be a way. cause god will make a way. =]

2006-08-30T00:47:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling so kinda hyper now, wells, i'm happy.
but i'v a feeling that its at the mode in which's soon to be change for the e other extreme. jus like that day, i was so tired then to a little too hyper then to jus a node to collasping. hmmm.. no idea.
anyways..

what i wanted to actually say's that, hmmm.. u wanted an answer, but i jus totally ignored it, i didnt ans. cos,

- u gave me those on-off stuff, n so when u'r doin the on stuff, u jus expect me to run to u like a pup? i'm real sorry, i've learnt. get another pup dude.
- u think u can get an answer jus bcos u asked the question? what about those answers i've wanted? those questions? u ignored them, u ignored my presence.

think u havent gotten this, but.. i'm just not another one for u to fool. or maybe, as usual. u ignore everything except u, and urself. have fun.

last paper tomor! 0oh lala lala.

p.s. my mom pronounces peach as bitch. muahaha.

2006-08-29T11:03:00.000+08:00

I slept real early n long last night.
alrights. not that early but its considered early still.
and it feels great. nice.. sweet.
i was actually quite very tired during the paper.
i was jus staring at the questions, thinking," ya, familiar, did that before. but i dont feel like doing it now, i so wanna sleep." hahas.. wells, i did the questions at last, only to pause many times to wanting to sleep. hahas..
then went for job hunting with jess n stan, sat at tcc for a drink n chatted. hahahas..
stan n jess, the meaning of the words,
-sartorial
adj.

of or pertaining to clothing or style or manner of dress: sartorial splendor.
of or relating to a tailor, tailoring, or tailored clothing: sartorial elegance.

hahas.. i had so many many scary dreams, not nightmares, jus scary dreams for the past days. i think its the stress. hahas.. n last sun, i was told of how my ahmama panicked during my 1st day of school. hahas.. she's a real dear.
okies. till laters.
jiayou to all! last paper! jiayou!!

2006-08-24T23:36:00.000+08:00

-my hands r rough. sobs. once like that, now like that. hais.

-and i found out that he lied to me about his name. like wtf. for how many bloody years!? i'm starting to wonder whether those feelings, emotions, everything during those precious yrs. are those real?

-i found another of my childhood fren on friendster.

2006-08-24T00:45:00.000+08:00

sorry to those who, may feel neglected. really sorry for i'v been so busy with my on-off fever, coming papers, frens' prb, n mine.
i know no reasons or excuses can push my responsibility. but i jus wish for those who cared for me to know that, no matter how little our msgs or conversations r, u'r still constant-ly on my mind. =) n take care for the smokey air has been quite harmful to most these days. take care.

a question to all, u may post ur answers if u want by clicking on my comments link below the time of the entry posted.

"what do you think is/are the aim/aims of living in this world?"

2006-08-24T00:15:00.000+08:00

the two of you.
you guys wanted to be frens still. you wanted. so i was fine with it. now what is it? treating me like a stranger? like an enemy?
when you guys said, normal, jus like how we used to b. i did as u wanted. i'v adjusted to being normal, treating you the same, hopin n making myself to feel the same, learning and learnt to live n b normal .. you think i'm not a single bit affected? i'm, to a very much extend. but you guys wanted normal as before. damn you now.
treating me like humouring a stranger? n laughing at me like how you used to laugh at ur ex-gf?
i'm really sick of being the jokes to humour u guys. i've had enough, get this.

i'm so gonna stand up n b happy n enjoy the rest of my life![ without you!]! i aint gonna waste the rest of my precious time being upset, life's short to be wasted.
u guys can jolly well jus look on.

you may say i'm sore. u can say whatever u want. but as long as i know its not the truth.
thanks for the more knowledge u guys hav given to me. i'v learnt quite some already. bye.

2006-08-18T00:36:00.000+08:00

i had great fun with sher today at kbox. its great singing once again. hahas.. but often i sang outta tune. cos usually when i sing, i need some gestures to help me to keep in tune n with the tempo. so when sher mentioned sth abt it, i tried to stop moving so much. hahas.. resulted in me singing outta tempo by goin fast. hahas.. that's real funny.
but i had a fun day with her. only except somethings. nvm. not worth mentioning.
thanks sher for today! rest more larhs. (=

2006-08-17T08:51:00.000+08:00

isescriedsesmyselfsestosessleepseslastsesnightses. sesthotssesandsesmoresesthotssesrushingsesthruses. sesisescantsesbelievesesthatsesi'msessosesbloodyses

bloodysesinsignificantsestosesyousesnow. sessosesstop

ses, sespleaseses, sesisesbegsesyouses! sesstopses

pushingsesmesesallseshighsesupses, sesthensesletting

sesmesesfallsesthesesgreatsesheightses. sesstopses

makingsesitsesassesifsesyousescareseswhensesallses

yousesdosesissestosespushsesmesestosesasescorner

sestosescrysesmyselfsesbloodsestearssestillsesdrainedses.

sesifsesyousesreallysescareses, sesyouseswontsesbringsestears

sesandsespainsestosesmeses.

sesifsesyousesreallysescareses,sesyouseswontsesbe

sesablesestosesfindsesmesesatsesanysescornerses, sescossesiseswouldsesbeseslyingsesonsesyourses

shouldersesforsescomfortses,seswithsesyoursesshirtses

soakingsesupsesmysestearssesthatsesrsesbroughtses

bysesanysesevilses.

2006-08-12T09:54:00.000+08:00

last night:
i love fireworks. who can dislike them? i mean they'r beautiful n all. but heys, confession, i was extremely scared of fireworks when i was young. u see, i got snubbed accidentally by a cigar when i was young. so i'm scared of of fire stuff. but who could possibly dislike them? hmmm... okies fine, my dad n ken.
i remembered mel once said that since i love fireworks so much, i should have them on my wedding. but singpore isnt gonna allow this, so she said, "have ur wedding on national day then." .. .. but yuccks! i hate the date 9 august. bleah.

this morning:
went to da temple. the uncle said i'm bad-tempered. ermm... by looking at my face. nice one. but that was funny. tickled me laughing all da way. hahahs..

2006-08-11T11:24:00.000+08:00

a pat from myself on my back. glad that i didn wait.

anyways. A n B
i have got a movie date with A on thurs. but i feel that i shouldn go. i know i would hav fun on that day, but i would inflict hurt on many others, n thus making making me regret on the next days. i know i will regret deeply.
i got another date with B, nth's goin to be wrong. except that i know i wont b happy having to forgo A jus to spend the day with B. i will be much happier spending the day with A. but i dont want to have regrets later. i know i will. but i still want, still want. hais.

sheralyn can u bring me outta my misery and have a kbox session on thurs? so i wont have to make choices?

2006-08-06T01:26:00.000+08:00

jus moved to this temporary house ytd. small, old, kinda scary, separated bathroom n toilet, no heater[ only cold water to bathe with], toilet bowl which my whole family jus cant seem to get used to. growls! i have to take bus to the interchange now! agrr..!!

2006-08-06T00:56:00.000+08:00

5 years ago I was:
13, started my secondary school. also the going-start of beautiful n painful memories

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Chocolates
2. Potatos with tons of mayo
3. haw sheets
4. cuttlefish
5. lollipops!!

5 songs I know all the words to:
ermmm... i can only remember the words if i hear the music.

5 things I would do with 100 million dollars:
1. Buy a whole building and get all my aunts n family to stay under the same roof.
2. build a playground at the new place with swings!
3. buy new clothes
4. get all my love ones to a full body check-up
5. buy massage chairs for dearest dad and ahmama n ahma

5 places I would run away to:
1. ahmama's hsh
2. the playground
3. esplanade
4. the merlion's
5. japan

5 things I would never wear:
1. vintage clothes r ok, but not those UGLY ones[u should know what i mean]
2. high waisted jeans, but formal wear pants r alrights
3. guys' underwears, boxers r alright
4. not sure
5. not sure

5 bad habits:
1. stubborn
2. unable to be alone
3. too princess-y
4. no self-motivation to do important stuffs
5. slow in mostly everything

5 biggest joys:
1. family n friends
2. chocolates
3. cup of warm chocs
4. moon
5. swing

5 famous people I would date:
1. Gackt
2. Gackt
3. Gackt
4. Gackt
5. Gackt

5 people to do this quiz :
1. felicia
2. sheralyn
3. khairul
4. stanley
5. emily

2006-08-06T00:21:00.000+08:00

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:
1) someone who hates n 's scared of being alone
2) someone who loves peace for deep thoughts
3) someone who loves those who love her
4) someone who hates n 's scared of insects
5) someone who loves food
6) someone who loves the moon and swing
7) someone loves n treasure all the memories of hers, as they'r what that made her her today.

7 THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
1) being alone
2) insects
3) betrayal and backstabbed, tattletales
4) bankrupt
5) losing my love ones.
6) my growling tummy[its always embarrassing me]
7) rapist[i'm not kidding]

7 RANDOM MUSIC AT THE MOMENT:
1) beep - pussycat dolls
2) i don't want to miss a thing - aerosmith
3) stick with you - pussycat dolls
4) gou gou shou - guo mei mei
5) zhen ming tian zi - alan n jolin
6) pon de replay - rihanna
7) buttons - pussycat dolls

7 THINGS I LIKE THE MOST:
1) food
2) memories
3) music
4) being around my friends
5) thinking much
6) my handphone
7) water

7 THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
1) yo yo check it out[deeply infuenced by sher]
2) fcuk you
3) arsehole
4) r u tryin to b funny or ver funny?
5) hahahhahahahahaha
6) don't like you larhs larhs larhs
7) hmmmm....

7 PEOPLE I WANNA SEE DO THIS:
1) stanley
2) sheralyn
3) felicia
4) emily
5) khairul
6) saufoo
7) yorkfeng

2006-08-04T03:16:00.000+08:00

u know, i've believed that closed friends who'v quarrelled or lost trust in e friendship could actually make up n try to b close again, but this time, from another entrance.
for example: jess n stan's case. rembr how we quarrelled n made up already?

so. yuppps.. i'm thinking of whether to make another friendship work again.

2006-08-03T01:24:00.000+08:00

my mom also said sth similar to what sam said.
so sth happened jus now, i'm not goin to say what, only the parties involved know, n including mel. but when or if any of you guys do find out. please ask me if u wanna know the reason why i did it, so, please do not make any wild assumptions.

i'm full from han's, but my dad packeted food for me, hais. supper but i'm so full!!

laters.

2006-08-01T23:52:00.000+08:00

i know i'm always acting like a spoilt brat. but really.., i've learnt to be a little better. so today when i was extremely angry at yuan for the tiniest, i got a shock. then i calmed myself down, acted like my normal self, but a little too fake and got irritated by somethings which shouldnt actually b much of a prb cos she's always like that, but i jus got irritated. anyways, i came home, cooled down with a shower. dad called to have dinner, i didn have the mood despite being hungry. so i revised for marketing, tasted blood in my mouth. but thr isnt any blood. took temperature, n tata, guessed right, had fever. that's reason for my short short temper-ness. fever still, but have to do my sem project. this is my brk. till laters.

2006-08-01T00:31:00.000+08:00

sorry stanley, everyone's not in the best of mood. but tanks for sending me home just now. dont know what i would do without u.
=) love you brother.

2006-07-30T16:11:00.000+08:00

the only new thing about ququ is his name, ququ.
muahahahs.. that's what my dad said at dinner last night. hahas.. that was funny, especially when that was e name given to him by me. hahahs..
my mom asked why both ken n i seem to be always quarreling. lulalalu.. but. but. but. do we? hahas..
i'm looking forward the to the day when i can look in the eyes of those people who once hurt me in any ways. (: that's when i truely forgive and forget them.

2006-07-29T03:21:00.000+08:00

i m not drunk right now. i dont get it, i wasnt at all drunk that day lo!!! stanley jessica! it was jus some sparkling juice which helped in my ulcers. hahas.. i didn act drunk or what too. hahas..
papers r coming. n focusing!

p.s. i passed my basic theory test! (:

2006-07-29T03:15:00.000+08:00

i am not making any decision to believe who or whoever. i think it has all passed over and should be passed over already. so its my cue to forget it.

2006-07-25T02:15:00.000+08:00

at last, i've chatted with ken that guy. things didn exactly become clearer or what. i still dont know to believe him or my friends. but those things i've heard r truely hurting. so i just cant bring myself to be the same as before with him. i told him that he is out of my life already. oh wells.

i have many people loving me, new and old people in my life. god has given me so many loving people in exchange for the hurt. thank you lord.

i'm missing wei qiang lots!! my ever-ly loving cute ass cousin. hahas..

2006-07-24T21:56:00.000+08:00

=) i've been laughing much the past days, hahas.. cos its that time of the month. high high high. lulalalu.. =D

2006-07-22T04:25:00.000+08:00

i briefly told my dad what ken did to me. he asked, "then didn u comfront him? its not like you to not to confront that person abt it and talk abt it"
bcos i hate the feeling of uncleared stuffs. but i dont know, should i even find ken to have a talk about it? if i dont, maybe he will go on doing it again to others and thinking that its nothing wrong abt it. but whenever i see his face, i get so --sian--.

...

went to see my aunt at the hospital. i dont know what happened or what, but i think its the same case as the last time round. we have this serious problem in our family. whenever we get headache flu or any, we thot popping a few pills will get them over, if a few doesnt work, more would. so i think its overdose for her.
i used to be like that, n i got into an incident with panadols. dad no longer allowed me to buy panadols and i m still learning to stop relying on them.

..

i'm gonna get busy soon, i so wanna meet up with fish sher jialu magg n evan!
i miss them.

2006-07-21T19:29:00.000+08:00

wth. wth. wth.
**growls**
my dress!!!! was stolen this morning! agrr.. jus less than an hour. then its gone.
sian-ed. made me giving up in making my own dresses already. no mood already. agrrr..

but my dad's giving me all the support he's able to provide.

p.s.: yuan!! i'm waitin for my stories!

2006-07-16T11:00:00.000+08:00

North Node of the Moon in Pisces
In a prior life you clung to rationality -- to distinct divisions between right and wrong, moral and immoral. You had clearly defined values in love and refused to step over the lines you drew, or to accept others' infractions of the rules you had set. You made a reliable and fair but rather unemotional and unforgiving lover.

In your current life, you are finding that things are not nearly so cut-and-dried as you would wish. You might have some fine ideals about the way that love should be; you might believe you fight fairly with your lover, and feel disappointed when your lover resorts to emotional appeals rather than sticking to logic and the facts.

You might feel as though you've thought long and hard about what you believe in, about the way things should be, and you've upheld your end of the bargain, so to speak; but still, your love affairs keep going wrong in ways that surprise or confuse you. Perhaps you have had to deal with romantic partners who were unfaithful or otherwise untrustworthy, and you have had trouble figuring out not only how they could conduct themselves in such ways, but also how you could have attracted such people to you.

2006-07-15T03:22:00.000+08:00

in the past, whenever someone asked me whether i would prefer sunset or rise, i would say," no preference as they'r both beautiful."
but now, i would still say they'r both beautiful, however, sunset's more meaningful.
sunset marks the coming end of a day, all bad things would be gone with the day, and a new day's approaching. a new day is like a new chance coming. i would learn n try my very hard to hold onto my beliefs, many things happened, making me let loose of them and also losing myself.
if i want others to believe in me and also, to respect me, i must do so myself 1st.

i'm gonna move house soon. so today i wanted to go to the playground to view the nightsky again. but there was a funeral there, so i jus went back home instead. jus hope that my new place would have a playground or any for me to view the night-sky. it's the best companion for thots.

i've been a good girl recently, going home n no more outings, going to bed early. its nice actually.
=)

2006-07-14T10:13:00.000+08:00

the weather hasnt been good. many people ard me, r falling sick, sore throat, fever, cough, flu n many more. take care guys. i dont wan any thing to happen u u all. best remedy of all times, drink HONEY WATER! lulalalu.. hahas..
n oh ya. stupid mark! gave us only 10% when he said giving us 30%. liar liar.

p.s. sam:: i'm no siant, i need time to forgive n forget.

2006-07-11T01:40:00.000+08:00

lets see, i went to ps pm afr so long long time. hahas.. mark got a new hair style. now i know why we've got so much discount plus extra dessert. sorry but i don wanna work in f&b already. hahas..

looking on. laters!

2006-07-08T02:26:00.000+08:00

"I've been tagged!"

Rules:
#1. Do the following without complaints.
#2. Choose 5 people to do this after you completed yours.
#3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she has been tagged.
#4. Start your post with "I've been tagged!" before you start this.

*Your 10 favourites.
Favourite color: Purple, BROWN, black, white, green, pink.
Favourite food: Tons, except onions.
Favourite song: I don't wanna miss a thing.
Favourite movie: Armageddon.
Favourite book: None, but i do love reading. (:
Favourite season: Cloudy.
Favourite day of the week: No particular actually, because its always a week to the next.
Favourite ice cream flavour: Double Choc-Chips, actually alot, as long as its benjerry's.
Favourite subject: Maths, Bio and Art.
Favourite person: Alot actually, but in short to say, those who treasure me and love me for me.

*9 Currents.
Current mood: Teary.
Current taste: Mint, chewing gums now.
Current clothes: Cut-off shorts, brown hangers shirt, headband.
Current desktop: I'm currently using the dining table, i do not have a work-table.
Current toenail color: Purple
Current time: 2.30am.
Current surroundings: Cosy, with hints of wind.
Current annoyance(s): With myself of thinking so much.
Current thought: Of my conversation with sam.

*8 Firsts.
First best friend: Lynette.
First boy-friend: Shawn.
First crush: That boy in kinderworld.
First movie: I can't remember.
First piercing: On my ears.
First lie: When i told james that i like him no longer.
First music: I guess its the thumping of my own heart in my mom's womb.
First car: I don't think i will own any, because i don't even wanna be in the driver's seat.

*7 Lasts.
Last cigarette: I don't smoke.
Last drink: HL milk.
Last car ride: My mom's car.
Last crush: That guy in 1st yr of poly, i only saw him once n cant rembr the way he looks now, but still rember him as the only cute guy in poly.
Last movie seen: Cars.
Last phone call: My sister.
Last CD played: Some DVDs.

*6 Have you evers.
Have you ever dated one of your best friends: Hmmm... we were together n in which he became my best fren cum best bf. so?
Have you ever broken the law: Hmmmm.. i guess so, but its not really so serious that some officers would even close 1 eye.
Have you ever been arrested: Nope.
Have you ever skinny dipped: Nope.
Have you ever been on TV: Yupps.
Have you ever been kissed someone you didnt know?: Yes, it was that matured young boy at my aunt's place. he taught me french-kiss. :)

*5 Things you're wearing: Shirt, shorts, bra, thongs, headband.
*4 Things you have done today: Watched DVD, helped jess with the hamster's stuff[but didnt do much], thot much, thot of sam's advices.
*3 Things you can hear right now: My fingers exercising on the laptop keys, the fan, the wind.
*2 Things you cant live without: Those people who loved me, my memories. [they make me continue walking.]
*1 thing you do when you're bored: Find someone to kill my boredom.

Lastly, five people to be tagged by me..
1. Felicia
2. Sheralyn
3. Emily
4. Jessica
5. Benjamin

2006-07-08T02:01:00.000+08:00

back from jess's place. watched some dvds. hahas.. thots came to my mind on the bus. lone rides always always make me think much. tears can come so easily, whether its a touchin show or a comedy. stress can jus b released by crying. hahas..

advices always on my mind:
- he was the one who did bad to u, so u shouldn't b the one who felt hurt, he should be the one feeling bad.
- you should feel thankful towards him for letting you go, this way, u can go on ur way to looking for ur perfect bf.
- you should b thankful towards him, so that u'll have a clearer view of ur ideal bf, of what characteristics ur ideal bf SHOULD NOT have.
- there will certainly be someone who would hurt you intentionally, but there's also certainly someone who would heal you and also feeling hurt bcos of the hurt u'v felt.

2006-06-28T21:48:00.000+08:00

alrights, i've been tagged.

1. felicia
2. sheralyn
3. james
4. jialu
5. sam
6. evangeline
7. maggie
8. jessica
9. shawn
10. stanley
11. york feng
12. amanda tee
13. wei qiang
14. winson
15. hyan elliott
16. keith
17. jonathan
18. john
19. mirri
20. apple

1. How did you meet number 14?
(winson) intro-ed to me by john who wanted me to know more guys. :P

2.What would you do if you had never met Number 1?
(felicia) oh, i guess my life would be better? ha! no way man! she's an important part of my life! MY BEST FRIEND! i guess if i haven met her, i would never have allowed other frens get close to me, as i'v been thrown aside by my best fren b4 meeting her. she's important to me. she let me open up to believe in real frens. thank you!

3.What would you do if 20 and 9 dated you? Why would they anyway?
(shawn) hahas.. we were once together! he was my 1st.
(apple) its not gonna happen. she's a she. she's james's baby sister. she's 5 this yr( i think). hahas

4.Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
(evangeline and jonathan) evan's together with her jon. my jonathan's mia. a good couple? might so, cos they two fun club people i guess. jon are u? hahas..

5.Describe Number 3.
(james) he's my best bf ever. best male friend. bestest best friend. he's smart, attractive on both e in n out, cool to be with, he knows me inside out[more than i ever know myself]. the love of my life, irreplaceable.

6.Do you think No.8 is attractive?
(jessica) definitely, she's my ex-les partner. :) hahas

7.Tell me something about No.7.
(maggie) she's no longer schooling. others may say her. but no matter what she does, i'm n will be always behind her.

8.Do you know anything about no.12's family?
(amanda) she has dad mom 2bros, her parents cant remember my name at most of the time. hahas.. mom's a nurse, dad's workin at airlines[i guess?] hahas.. bros? i think tt 1's weird, a little dark. hahas..

9.What is No.10's favourite?
(stanley) he loves me! hahas. i dont know, i guess baby, n my company? hahas i dont know, TELL ME STANLEY!

10.What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?
(york feng) hahas, she did before, rights york? read ur or mine previous post or whatever. hahas.. but its impossible la, she's deeply in love with her gf. sobs. me no longer. hahas..

11. What language does 15 speak?
(hyan elliott) english, mostly like me la, chinese too but not great. hahas..

12.Who is 18 going out with?
(john) i dont know, he's back in his country already, no longer in contact. i miss his knowledge. hahas..

13.What is your relationship with no.16 and how old is he/she now?
(keith) weee!! my ever-ly busy walking dictionary. i guess he should be 24? 25? i dont know. oh no..

14.When was the last time you talked to 13?
(wei qiang) hmmm.. a few days ago, we sms-ed. i miss him. growls.

15.Who's 2's favorite singer?
(sheralyn) me? hahas.. i guess too many, cos there were too many artists in her ipod. heex..

16.Would you date number 4?
(jialu) we were out ferr a few days already, but i think cant too often ar? hurr jialu. hahas..

17.Would you date 14?
(winson) ermms..? to have a meal? sure. i'm alrights with any1. hahas..

18.Is 15 single?
(hyan) from the last time we spoke, she was happily attached to her gf. :)

19.What's 10's last name?
(stanley) it kinda depends. in other words, not too sure. hahas.. stanley, i know u'r so gonna kill me. hahas..

[editted]
20.Would you ever consider being in a relationship with 6?
(evangeline) we r currently in one full of LOVE! our lovely friends-relation. :) [or is it a 1-sided? hahas.. i love n miss u plenty my dear!]

21.What school does 3 go to?
(james) damn. i dont know, he's in japan. i didnt ask for fear that i would make myself fly there to stalk him. hahas..

22.Where does 4 live?
(jialu) tampines

23.What's your favorite thing about number 5?
(sam) his maturity and caring soul. he's always concerning about my ups n downs. thanks. :)

24. What do you think of no.13?
(wei qiang) he's my little cousin, growing up to be a handsome gentleman, with my help. DUH! hahas..

25. What do no.4 and no.19 have in common?
(jialu and mirri) actually, NOTHING! except for their gender? hahas..

26.what special qualities does no.17 hold in your life?
(jonathan) hmmm.. he made me realised that anyone can just cheat on their partners. he proposed to jess when he was with me [or when we jus broke up? jeex.. i forgot. hahas] and also had an affair with fahmy[who was then my or jess's gf] hahas.. confusing? u haven gotten e big picture with the many other ppl involved yet. ha!

PEOPLE TO DO THIS:
evan, stan[time to update ur blog!], jess, ben[update la!], khairul, sheralyn[please update my dear gal], york.

2006-06-28T21:39:00.000+08:00

i've realised that, often, i may say. i often say that u wont understand til u'r in that situation urself.

so, what i jus realised was that, sometimes when u'r in a situation, u can also get a clearer better picture, when u see it in some others' same situation too. so its like the reverse. jus like differentiate n integrate.
:)
i'm feeling better. seriously, bcos of the talk that this one fren gave me, tt one night. althou i must apologize, sam sorry that i screwed u up that day. but i thot over what u said. y should i feel upset when he did bad. he should be the one feeling bad instead, n so what i'm supposed to do was to forgive him, n not let him get to me with his bad doings.
sorry sam, u know the way i m, dislike it when others strikes the chord of what's in my heart. but i would always sit down to think about the talk. thank you.

..
remembering what i told jess n stan tt day about how we used to think goodlooking guys r often e bad guys, bcos they think tt they'v got what it takes to be bad to girls. n now its the bad-looking guys who'r evil too. ahahs..
kies. laters.

2006-06-25T14:29:00.000+08:00

oh. my phone's screwed. my mom asked me to trade in. but hais.. i cant bear to part la.

2006-06-25T14:20:00.000+08:00

just back from my porridge trip with my dearest dad. then dearest dad has to choose the table in front of the drinks stall, of all tables. tsk..
cos we were eating, then the drinks stall uncle n auntie were quarrelling. all vuglarities out. but they were like cb cb cb cb cb cb all e way, its like the whole hawker full of their voices n vuglars. my dad was like, "1st time see u eat so fast." i cant tolerate people scolding so much at a time, its disgusting. n so many ppl eatin. wth. i mean its okie to scold fcuk like once or what. but he was scoldin string n strings of vuglarities with only vuglarities. agrr..

stanley!, next time when u'r selling chicken rice, dont be like that uncle ar. hahas..

hmmm... happier note. i've received my birkens!!!!! lulalalu!! hehex.. virgin whisper white. loves loves. thanks fish!!!!!!! ferr the help. :)))
<333333 hmmm.. but of all days. tsk. cos shijia spoilt my 30 plusplus bucks slipper, so we hav got only 2 ripples slippers. then my sisters wore both out this morning. so i've got no choice but to wear my new birkens. sobs sobs. of all days! wet floors. agrr. sobs. but its still at e same condition la. hais.

then.. afr our meal, it was drizzling. so my dearest dad bought newspaper, i mean he doesn read the morning or what, only reads the nights' version. so he bought ferr me to cover my head. hehex.. he was like, "later you sick again" loving him!! his littlest tiniest gestures. i lurveee him to bits! n he's cooking FISH porridge now. <33

so i met up with jialu ytd. updates on her life n all. so much so much. we'v learnt much too. but i seriously hope that the guy's nice. n she wont get hurt the way i'v got played. i'l pray ferr her. that guy better b nice. or i shall **growls!!
i'm protective towards my friends!

i'm taking a little break today. then study hard tmor, ferr tuesday! hope i do well for my dada.

hardgay jialu. hahas..

2006-06-21T14:07:00.000+08:00

studyin last night was short. but good too, cos the two totally spoilt my mood to study. anyways. i went to make my ic today.. hur hur. lulalalu..

2006-06-21T04:57:00.000+08:00

** u said that u worry ferr me. i shrugged. but i would have said," dont be a fake, cos u'r disgusting me further than any1 has ever does so."
it still bring tears to my eyes when u said that, bcos u'r dammit fcukling impossibly urks! u've brought me enough hurt, come close to find all about me n then out they go when u'r fcukling drunk. u'r totally disgusting. all these help that i'm providing now ferr ur studies'r on the accord of us being classmates ferr this one marketing. u can forget about the future between us.

2006-06-18T13:50:00.000+08:00

it was family steamboat ferr fathers' day celebration at my god-parents' hus last night.

when i arrived, they'v started eating already. so he was at home last night, his gf also came along, [oh, his gf was a graduate from nyp, he was too. anyways, e 1st impression she gave me was: refined n all. so u can jus imagine the shock i had when she has got "wahlau" in almost every 3 sentences of hers. omg.] anyways he almost fell of the chair when i arrived. hahas.. it always happen with sth like tt when we see each other.

hmmm... then mel asked me not to eat 1st, wait ferr more seats n eat together with her. so i was like ok. n e next thing i knew was, she got herself a seat n startin eatin away. wtf. so i was blood-ly hungry, n i was tired, so i'v the rights to b angry alrights. so i went into the hus to start channel-surf on t-vee. too hungry n angry. they kept coming in to ask me to go out n eat. i got even madder. there's no more single shit space ferr me to sit. so its like as if i'm throwin my dearest princess-ly fcuk. but who on earth will have that thickest skin to SQUEEZE into the table? n somemore in b/w that cousin of mine n his gf?

so when i got seats at last, every one seems to want to sit next to me, tryin to be nice to me n all.

i jus simply dislike ppl who ask me to join them when its so fcukling crowded already. its being so extra. do they even have the sense at all?

gtg. dearest dad cooked me food again. oh. btw. jus last week i was 42kg. i'm 37.5kg now.
:((((((

2006-06-14T12:43:00.000+08:00

wells, ken came still. on the condition of having panadols as the entrance ticket. so he came n went at 6 where midnight charge has no more. then i had my sleep at the sofa as mel slept on my bed, sayin that her bed's uncomfortable. i had fun last night, i had fun dissing him. hahas..

gtg, meetin mirri ferr getting presents n mayb meetin sheralyn.

sher:: sorry ferr not meetin that day. (:

2006-06-13T14:24:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling better, bcos my dearest dad helped me take revenge on mel. hahas... :) love him.

2006-06-13T04:12:00.000+08:00

see see lets see..

went out with dearest fish today, n meetin lovely sher tomor. loving it.
i saw jess today, kinda surprised.
but wells, went home early cos its fish's sis's bday. happy birthday!!
felt kinda feverish.
u know how it always goes when u'r sick or not feeling well, goin emo.
thot of things that i thot i could put down but yet, controlled tears jus came down at dinner, partly bcos of my stooopid sis's rudeness. but major factor not cos of mel. i was hungry but no appetite. in e end i managed afew shove down my throat.
i'm goin to startin muggin early.
chew tian kean's coming over to study tomorrow night, i didnt ask him.

laters.

2006-06-07T20:43:00.000+08:00

dearest dad is sick. i think i m the cause. hais. i think i passed my tummyache n all to him. damn me.. hais..

2006-06-07T18:53:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. latest news:: mr tian has got a gf who's small and cat-like, a very sweet girl. [ details given by sam ]

i won't forget you ferr u made me who i m now. thanks ferr the sweetest memories. <333

2006-06-05T00:32:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STANLEY!!!!!!!
muacks muacks!!

2006-06-04T11:59:00.000+08:00

i think i mentioned before, but i jus wanna say it again. i love my dad!! <3333

i know others will think i m a loser ferr asking ken's company. but heys, its jus that i got used to him already ma. so what if he got a gf? does it meant that we cant be s close s used to? [but still, i wont b able to trust him as much, too long of a story.. ..]

last night, ken came over to watch posiedon with me, but he fell aslp at the 2nd part, thr'r 3 parts altogether.
i told him that i wanna eat sth afr the show n all, he said oki. but he fell aslp n all. fine
so i tried waking him up since the show ended, but no matter how hard i shook him. he jus cant wake up. i mean, he once told me sayin that he has to wait or cal his gf at 4 plus. so i tried callin him up, jus in case he missed her call or what.
then his phone started ringing 2 hrs later, ard 5.30, 2 missed calls. at the 3rd call, i managed at last to wake him up. think it was his mom. so he just went. i mean. hello!! i m hungry, fcukling lousy guy.
so i was staring into space thinkin of my growling tummy. my dad came out n saw me, so he cooked ferr me while i went to bathe.
then he stayed home today,
bought brkfast, lunch ferr me, despite the fact that i woke up just in time fer tea-brk. then he cooked porridge ferr me again an hr later.
my dad's the only boy-friend i could really rely on.
no matter how late at night or early in the morning, when i get hungry, he will try to find food ferr me.
when i cant get to sleep, he would get me hot soya drink.

i love him, simply too much.

2006-05-31T00:47:00.000+08:00

Have I mention before of how much I LOVE my DEAREST DAD!?!?!??! He's simply the best of da best. If he weren't my dad, I would had married him! Hahas.. jkiddin.. but I truly hope for my future husband to have some of his GOOD characteristics. Hahas.. some, meaning that I don't wish for my future husband to be as lazy as him. Hahas..

Anyways, he cooked barley today, bought herbal tea yesterday. And on sun, I've got fever, I doubt he knows that, but he knows that I'm sick, so he cooked FISH PORRIDGE!!! Loving it! Muacks muacks. I love him simply to the max. DEAREST DADA!!

**********************************************

So.. that day I went out with fish. N at last! At last! Someone knows how I actually felt, n made me realized of that's how I actually felt, and thus waken-ing up. (: thanks girl.

I m angry bcos I felt used by him, I felt lk a puppet.
I m upset bocs I felt jealous. I thot that he belongs to me only. Not as in relationship tied. I mean I felt that he could only be nice to me n no one else.
Examples::
- terrence was nice to me till mirri gotten close to them, n thus he bcoming nice to her[ I got jealous ] but luckily I've got jon!
- Gotten close to Stanley then in e end he was nice to mirri too[ I got jealous too ] ( that was last time) but anyways, that time I got jon n ken.
- Holiday, gotten close to shawn, then to finding out of his gf[ I got jealous ] I went mia
- Ken got a gf now[ I m jealous ]. But I got Stanley!! Rights stacy?? (:

So… I m really truly fine! (: n stop teasin me already! Hehex..

I like to conclude! I really appreciate those who put e smile on my face. I love you guys. <<3

**happiness is always shortlived.
so.. no matter how brief it is, try to make it at its happiest.

2006-05-30T00:27:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDGAR! stay happy always! (:

2006-05-28T12:11:00.000+08:00

when it's gone, it's gone.
when it's over, it's over.
the damage has been done, no matter how much effort you put in to salvage, it'll still never be the same,
as for the scars, they can only be lighten, but never gone.

2006-05-26T22:57:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. jus got back from e engagement party,
the food was alright, but the bee hoon was great! i meant REAL NICE!! cos its cooked by my dear ahmama. :)

anyways, it was torturous at 1st as i had to go to my "cousin"'s salon as i've got to hitch a ride from her to the place. e both of us = impossible impossible. thats how, hais.. family stuffs.. that's y. so she got to see her mom in so many yrs, n as ferr me, i've got to see my many many relatives!! i misss the 3 sisters! muahahas.. they were the ones who gave me my english name. its been so longgg...

it seemed like jus ytd that we were so close, n that i was pampered like **beep beep** by them!
i stayed over at their place, extended the stay. n cried like buckets n more when i've got to leave. hahas.. it seemed as if to the neighbours at that time that they were selling me away. hahas..

n the bad bad stuff of the night was that i cant smile sincerely, my smile seemed so fake! cos of the fcukling ulcer in the way! sobs.

but still, i ate tons. and hahas.. 1 of my god mama cant recognise me as i was at the back with my baby cousin n ryan aka wei qiang. she thot i was his gf. like wt.. hahas.. yess.. i do admit, our actions were tooooo.... ermmms... hahas.. anyways.. muahahas...

and there'r so many many pretty girls! cos the elder two sisters r air stewardess, therefore their friends are that pretty too!! yupps.. n i've gotten a knowledge from the 3 sisters that it isnt the looks that matter, its the inside beauty. yupps.. :)

** Absence makes the heart grows fonder,
true.. - but has this person been absent so long that u have forgotten y he or she was in ur life in the 1st place?
if the answer is YES, then it is time to move on.

however:: who's that person?

2006-05-23T08:05:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR SHERALYN! MUACKS!

2006-05-23T03:02:00.000+08:00

the next time before you try to hurt someone. remember that he or she is someone else's sweetheart too, so that doesn't give you the right to hurt them. and in actual fact, you are hurting those people who cared for them too.

2006-05-22T20:22:00.000+08:00

dont ever go drinking when u do not even know your dammit limit. ya, get drunk and start sprouting nonsenses, and let others get the hurt u gave. thanks to you now. major thanks. i dislike you so much that i can give u a major slap across your fcukling face!!

lesson learnt:: do not ever. and i mean NEVER!! let a guy know too much about you! NEVER! DON'T even let him get close to you.

2006-05-20T05:52:00.000+08:00

when you've the chance but missed it, wells.. its just too bad for you. get on and away.``

anyways, went out with my dear ryan aka weiqiang yesterday. we said much and hope i did give grt advices to him.

bored now, wanted to watch home movie, but no one to accompany me. so i rented 2 vcds. but i only caught part 1 of the 2 shows. then i slept on the sofa. its so uncomfortable over thr but i slept anyways.

tmor, outing with beloved felicia lee yun wei! ong! i miss her like craps! cant wait till then.

laters.

2006-05-19T09:30:00.000+08:00

thinking alot when i have a single second to myself. getting back, going back? i don't know already. i don't know what i want. i am just like a hopping bobbing smiling zombie. i am feeling empty inside, empty as in i am bored. bored, just plain bored, and of life, and also bored of having to plaster a smile onto my lips too. i am looking for activites everyday to make me tired. this is just so like going back to sec2 days, and that isn't at all good.

laters.

2006-05-18T08:10:00.000+08:00

thank you for the presents. althou there isnt alot of things, but i m satisfied already. yupps. thank you.

now i m still short of meeting fish, qiang, n i so wish to see evan! agrr.. crazy misses.

laters.

2006-05-15T23:39:00.000+08:00

Hmmm… just got back from orchard. Yess… again.. orchard. Hahas.. went ard with jess n stan, n jess’s fren who has a perky arse. Hahas.. he’s a funny one. I had great fun with them, tearing from laughter. Hahas.. jokes from food to rats to toilet, from small to big, postitions, hahas.. everything.

And the funniest thing was that, I thot jess was jus joking when she said to choose my present then they will get it. I mean.. its like the 1st that I’m ever getting my present with, already knowing what it’s gonna b. hahas.. its weird, but I think its cool, cos I can get what I really wanted. Hahas..

Stanley n jess, I want e list of people so I can thank them personally. Hahas.. :)

I am happy, thanks.

2006-05-12T17:28:00.000+08:00

they just went home. hmmm.. hmmm.. so bored now. i dont like being alone. i wanna keep myself busy. but hais.. choon kiat got work. so they ended early.

2006-05-12T00:27:00.000+08:00

wells.. wells.. fine fine. mahjong at my house tomor. at least i let more ppl into my life already. muahahas.. have fun.

2006-05-10T22:02:00.000+08:00

taurus is stable, conservative and sensual. the sign values a comfortable, safe and unchanging environment and likes to hold on to the past.

taureans often have artistic skills. typically, they make good singers( taurus rules the throat), but they may also be potters, sculptors, or they may work with the earth in other ways.

2006-05-10T19:41:00.000+08:00

i am a bitch. yess, i am. whining when i i lose someone who cares for me. ha. bitch bitch. major.

but seriously, 2 in two months. and 5 in 4 months. what the hell. so many many things could happen in each second. so much changes, i just can't keep up.

i m having it now. so major emo. i m emotionally weak now. please, do not push me off the limit. i m standing on the red line already.

...............................................................

wells. i hate the song now. it was what that made us made our 1st promises. now its all broken. cos he broke them 1st making me break the rest.
it played while i was msgin him, it played when i just got on my mom's car [early in the morning], it played when i was eating my dinner. again, again, and yet, again.

2006-05-08T20:33:00.000+08:00

i dont like guys who think that they know everything, and everything about you.
i dont like guys who say that they like your everything, including ur flaws, when they 1st know u or when they wanna be close to u or when they wanna know u. and then, in the end, only to say that u would be a more attractive person if u could change ur flaws. these guys r the most disgusting ones, they seem n r fakes.

**** keep away from me if u r like this!

2006-05-02T20:40:00.000+08:00

whoa. jus read kaiming's gf's blog. just 1 entry, and its good enough to bring me the major headache, and made me crossed-eyes. she's just a typical ah lian, the way she types.. whoa..
i meant.. i used to type like.. HeLLo.. [sth like that]. but hers r really too much, way too much already. hahas..

hmmm... anyways... what do i wanna blog about its that, i just read this one thing::
its hard to love someone who keeps making the same mistake over and over again, but try. its not ur job to judge them or to help them change, but urs to understand them.

hmmm... i've been thinking of this kinda things ferr quite some time already. but in conclusion, i'm just not that great yet,.. to be able to really love that one person if he's unable to change. i know it is very utterly selfish of me. but i've noticed that, i expected others to change ferr me, n not me ferr them.

and i've realised that, no matter how hard u want that person to change, he or she can never really change ferr its in their nature to be just like that, its all been rooted in them already. so what u'r supposed to do, it's not to change someone, but to find that someone that god has already made ferr u.

:)

2006-04-28T00:09:00.000+08:00

shit craps. my parents just came back with my supper, n my dad knocked the car door off while parking. the prb with him is that he's always starting to move the car even when that person haven get on or off properly yet. hais.

anyways. pissed n pissed with my mom.
conversation:
her: where's ququ? so long haven seen him. hmmm.. ask him to come on monday to move things want?
me: hais. i dont know. i'm not his keeper, u want u call him urself. we arent talking much either.
her: aiyo. quarrel? y quarrel? i treat him like my son leh.
**me thinking**: fcukling, she has gotten so used to him already!
me: i dono, we'r jus not that close already, we werent even that close anyways, n its not quarrel, just not talking.
if u want, i can get other male classmates.
her: stanley ar.
me: ya, if you want a "GODSON", he's the best one, somemore with the same surname as us.

thru-out the whole holiday, she has been asking me, "wher's ququ?, why so long haven seen him?, ask him come la?, ask him help to move house la?"
i've always been lying that he's busy working, recently i changed it to, he's busy clubbing. [i know i m doing him injustice by saying that, cos i know my mom doesnt like clubbing kids. but i jus want her not to rely too much on him]

but she stil wants him. what's so nice about him anyways?

i respect ppl who can make my mom like them, but i hate them too. cos they are my mom's likes. so now u guys get it y i'm constantly easily fcuked up when u uys asked abt ken?! irriatable.

then anyways, this time i didn want to lie to my mom already, so i asked whether he can help, just like what my mom wants,
me:" r u free on monday, labour day?"
ken:" em.. why?"
me:" my mother wants your help."
ken:" em.. haha.. help her? how.. explain details.."
me:" you message her and ask her yourself la. hmmm.. moving things la. you are so dead already, my mother likes you. ha ha ha."
ken:" em.. gif me de time n let me noe.. i muz plan.. haha.."
me:" u know sth, you can just say no, then i will tel her that. then i dont have to lie.nevermind, she says she'l jus ask for your help agn when we fully pack or what."
** no more reply from him **

what i meant by the lie part is that i have been lying to my mom that he's not free n all when i didn even ask him. so if he could jus say no, i can jus lift my head high n say that he says that he is not free.
she at last said that" ask for his help again when we fully packed" when i told her say he needs to plan his time 1st.

my sis said before, its my fault that i'm always giving a casual ok when he wants to come to our house. i'm starting to think so too.

2006-04-26T09:21:00.000+08:00

sorry to stanley and all, mother's day isnt on 1 may. hahas.. but i've no idea when's the actual date. but my chinese lunar birthday's on 1st april, which is this friday. my godmom remind me last night when we went to their house.anyways, i went suntanning ferr 2 days, and guess what? jess said no difference. i went under the sun ferr 2 days, and she was under the sun ferr only 2 hrs. she got darker but not me! hmph!!
updates of this week:

monday:: school as usual. then went to kk hospital to visit my dad's mom, my ahma. the news freaked us out. hahas.. she's still looking the same. but she has to removed her womb [what my mom said]. althou she doesnt really needs it already, but.. what i mean is that.. what's a woman without her womb?!?!hais.. she got discharged last night already.
then at ard 2am, i went to tj pgar to take over my fren's shift. she cant work that night, so i helped her out ferr 1 night. its my 1st working thr, tiring man. hahas.. i wanted to look ferr mag, cos i rembered her wrking ard that area too. but i've got no time to call her. so.. lala..
hmmm... i helped out ferr awhile only. then stayed on to wait ferr my other frens to clean up, then i went to my fren's house to bathe n all. luckily, i've got a top at her house, but no bottoms, hers arent my size, doesnt fit me at all. so i rushed home to grab a pants then proceeded to school.

tuesday:: school again. then went to pharmacy to buy so many many things. then went home and met my dearest dad on the way. then down again with melissa to buy her stuffs that she needed ferr her F&N practical. lucks girl. hehex..
hmmm.. then we rushed to the hospital to visit my ahma again, but she discharged str afr her operation. we thot what happened when we saw someone else on her bed. hahas.. we looked so retards then. so we went to simei, my aunt bought us bags. but not the kind that i will use, but thanks anyways..
i'm telling u guys, i taught elicia, my baby cousin, to shake her head n body n bum. hahas.. now she's doing it once too often already. hahas.. what to do? its all under the influence of her cute cousin. hahas..

wed:: now, i'm in lab typing this. muahahas.. lessons, till laters!

2006-04-23T09:51:00.000+08:00

lets see.. i went ferr dinner at amk last night. its at a coffee shop, but bloody lot of people and the food is so expensive,.. i think so?? hahas.. anyways, luckily my mom made reservations days ago. hmmm... i thot it was supposed to be a birthday dinner ferr my ahmama.. hahas.. but its not.
i rembered her bday's on 1 may, mother's day. so when they told me that ytd, sat was a dinner celebration ferr her, i was thinking.. whoa.. so early. hahas.. so it isnt a celebration ferr her yet. its some other days. hahas.. hmmm..

today: woke up at that lovely time of 5 am, actually i napped ferr 1 hr then woke up. hahas.. then i'm at simei, my godma's house, updating now using my laptop. yuppps yupps... i'm so so so full. i ate a bowl of porridge then wanton noodles then porridge again. hahas..

i love my godparents ahmama aunties n uncles n dad. muacks muacks! love love.

ooh.. before i forget, i heard that he has got a girlfriend of 2 weeks or 2 yrs[cos i dont know how to listen dialect.] hahas.. ya. i wish him luck anyways. :)

2006-04-22T17:07:00.000+08:00

FEAR:
[x] the dark
[ ] staying single
[ ] getting married
[ ] being a parent
[ ] giving birth
[ ] being myself in front of others
[x] open spaces
[x] closed spaces
[x] heights(only for certain places)
[x] cats
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[x] spiders and/or other insects
[x] driving or being in cars(only driving-cos i know i'll hurt so many others in the process)
[ ] flying
[ ] being put to sleep
[ ] flowers or other plants
[x] being touched
[x] fire
[ ] water
[ ] the ocean
[ ] pools
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] germs
[x] thunder/lightning
[x] frogs/toads
[x] mice/rats
[ ] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[x] cemeteries
[x] clowns
[x] large crowds
[ ] demons or evil
[ ] crossing bridges
[ ] death
[ ] Hell
[ ] Heaven
[x] being robbed(just as long as they dont hurt me) :)
[x] being sexually assulted
[x] men
[ ] women
[ ] having great responsibility
[ ] doctors, including dentists
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[ ] being punished
[x] diseases, including cancer and STD's
[x] snakes
[x] sharks
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] Friday the 13th
[x] poverty
[x] ghosts
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains or railroads
[ ] fear
[x] being alone(but there are times when i need to be alone to sort out the many thots)
[x] losing my friends
[x] being blind to things
[x] being deaf
[x] growing up
[ ] being murdered in my sleep

2006-04-22T12:35:00.000+08:00

hahas.. how can i ever miss that icon to upload pics?!?! hahas.. i'v been tryin to upload pics ferr quite sometime. but was never able to. but now fish taught me. hahas.. sotong me. tsk.
its was quite nice ytd at jill's birthday. but i ate so very little. hahas.. den reached home quite so early that my mom was so so so so surprised. hahas.. hmmm.. it was quite the 1st since so long time ago that i slept till 11 plus like today. hahas.. nice nice..
hmmm... so many things have happened between mel n amanda. i must catch up with amanda when i have the time. we seemed so so so so distant that its biting into my heart already. hais hais.
today's jill's official birthday. happy birthday once again. hahas.. smile always! :)

n i'm goin ferr my ahmama's birthday celebration today.. happy birthday too!! love her to bits!

eeekkk!!! mine's coming soon!! i'm getting old. OLD. OLD!! i dont want! sobs.. off to bath. laters!

p.s: i wanna watch take the lead with the right company! date me!

2006-04-21T11:01:00.000+08:00

happy birthday jill!

hmmm... i'm meeting sheralyn later to buy jill's present, then meeting fish then off to jill's hus. hmmm.. hmmm... so many people's birthday.. money gone gone. hahas.. its like i'm getting rich-er but money spending like.. whooshh.. water.. hahas..

okies. off to bath. laters.

2006-04-21T04:06:00.000+08:00

just finished bathing. hais. i'm feeling so fcukling fcuked up now. i'm still thinking how cason knows abt it? i mean i think jessica n i r the only ones who know abt e melvin's stuff. so how cason knows a single fcukling shit? i'm so seriously disliking him more. .. he's making me feel so guilty now, cos it must be me who said anything abt melvin n jess, it surely cant be her. but..??
did i??

thanks, my sore throat's back.

2006-04-19T18:53:00.000+08:00

sling bags.. i see that its back to secondary school days.. whooosh... hahas..
hmmm.. feeling so tired now. i think i've to wake up at 5 am ferr 3 times/week ferr this whole semester. i seriously wondered how i managed secondary sch when i had to wake up at that time everyday. hahas.. but i went to sch mostly by cab la. hahas.. but the thing is.. my body alarm has been altered to sleepin at 6am. so how?? popping sleeping pills isnt a good idea. hmph. hmph. think n tell me solutions..
til laters.

school's reopen.

2006-04-18T15:20:00.000+08:00

now having e-learning. at last.. school's reopen. lalalalas..
but i m still at holiday mood.
hmmm.. i jus rembered abt the last fri, good fri's, incident. hahas..
i was with sheralyn at accidental portrait buying a top. then we got a 20cents discount. hahas.. rather not say, cos its kinda paiseh ferr me. hahas.. but its not bcos we don have enough cash. hahas..
anyways, my leg's hurting.. its injured again, afr some much intense training and ytd i did the tiptoe-ing to avoid water puddles, that's when it got worse. hahas..

till laters!

2006-04-16T05:31:00.000+08:00

i've never thot that i'll ever get the feeling of being left out or what.
now, i felt it. being redundant.
so i'm just a nothing. thanks.
my usual words: give me some time, i'll try to get used to it.
btw: spare me from your pity-ness, i need no such thing.

2006-04-14T12:51:00.000+08:00

hmmm... alot of things happened since last night. nvm. i was a wreck, but i'm out of it already.
my phone actually couldnt be switched on. but i open it, did sth here n there. tadada.. its on!!
but i cant push the button, damn. nvm. alanda's magical fingers to the rescue! n.... lalalalala.. its working!! but with a little screwed up la. what to expect? it went beer bathing. i'm so lucky that all pics n msges are stil there. but there's sth wrong with the screen n the up down button.
when i push up, its up. however, when i push down, its up. but when i'm lucky, its all perfectly fine. hahas.. still.. happy happy. n james actually replied me this morning. hahas.. its weirdly funny. anyways. i'm fine. yupps..
hais.. till later.

2006-04-14T03:00:00.000+08:00

i can only say, those ppl. okie fine. me, i m lousy.
i m a loser who can relate to no one but only ended up. to james yet again. i jus sent him a msg on friendster. n i m regreting alittle now.
i hate guys. i truly do. all the same. only ferr stanley n james n john matts.
all others said they could tolerate my klutz-ness, stupid-ness, retardee-ness, and all faults and all. they mentioned abt never asking me to change, cos i m jus the way i m.
ended up.. ? asking me, hoping that i will b more mature, get rid of klutz-ness, stupid-ness, retardee-ness, and all faults. its okies if its all ood ferr me, but dont expect much frm me!!
e more u push me, e more i fight back n go against ur wishes, dont ever blame it on me. if u cant accept e way i m, show urself the way out. i dont need u.
i hate it when they make me reliant on them den wants sth in return. cos i know i would not n cant change. how to change my clumsy-ness? by being more focus? i m already as a matter a fact focusing with my full point attention. i hate the part of suddenly alone again. its always like tt. pickin myself up again n again. its tiring.
so please ppl. stop doing this to me, if u know u cant tolerate me, just get lost.

2006-04-14T01:43:00.000+08:00

my nokia best friend, passed away. all bcos of her dumb ass fren, me.
hais.. i shouldnt even drink. i mean.. i didn drink yet at all. even if i did, its only beer ferr nuts sake, who would get drunk?
i just poured beer, into a big cup. just as i was going to place it on the table, my bestfriend dropped into it!! damn damn. i lost all contacts [ cos i saved all in phone memory not sim, dumbo me ]
pics gone too. and messages. all gone. those only only memorable sweet msges, all gone. phoof, just like that, just bcos of that idiotic beer. I HATE U!
my only comfort are all gone.

2006-04-13T08:18:00.000+08:00

i really truly hate that witch, she could just drop dead.

2006-04-13T05:24:00.000+08:00

i hate that woman!

2006-04-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

so many days have passed. i got new things, new news, happiness, upsets. so many so many that i so wanna share with him.
but,.. alas.. perserve.. i need to get lose, i dont want to be too used to him.
*shrugs.

these few nights had been spent at home. its bored bored bored,... and more boredom.

off to dinner, what a spoiler. hais. later.

2006-04-12T10:12:00.000+08:00

anways, i'm doin mask now, from shiseido. i'm lovin it. muacks. ahahas..

hais. hais. bored. bored. i'm missing life. hmph. hahahs..

laters!